Saturday, April 26, 2014

Cha-cha-cha-changes

Hey (Insert  my pet name for you here),

If word that has not reached you yet, we are moving! It's a long story that I'll leave to Amy to tell, but we've sold our home in Seattle and are under contract to purchase a home in Salt Lake City (hereafter to be known as "Basecamp 1"). We will finish packing over the next week and will drive out with the kids on Sunday May 4th. Though I haven't worked in quite some time, my official last day at Microsoft will be May 15th.

All-in-all,  I'm still in a bit of shock. Because we were not actively seeking a buyer for our house, and did not think we were willing to sell/move, we were honestly caught off guard by our own feeling (mine and then Amy's) that it was the right time to accept an offer we had previously felt comfortable turning down.  This move, for me, IS NOT about moving closer to family for more support or to prepare for _______. It IS about trusting an impression/prompting and "feeling" our way through life

Despite the strength of this feeling,  I have struggled daily with the thought of leaving our Seattle family. My "wiring" is to be fairly emotionally independent and free from most sentimentality (the exception to this is Amy...who I simply need to be around to be happy). This is why my "village departure anxiety" has been a surprise. I love you people and, with love comes the temptation to fear…fear for your well-being , happiness, progress, etc.  In relation to our move, I am not worried that we will be okay without you, or that you will be okay without us, but that you will be okay ABOUT us…especially given the Project…It's the same partially unrighteous desire I have, only more intense because it's for you, for everyone Amy and I know: that 'the Project' can be nothing but a blessing to all we meet; that you can be preserved from questioning this blessing by being preserved from seeing us struggle at times; that those around us can recognize the hand of God in their lives because they see it in ours; and that, in the Lord's time and way, our loved ones will be able to see an undeniable miracle (the type we hope for or otherwise) follow our collective faith. It's this same desire, combined with my pride, that makes me bristle when people try and take care of me. In their concern for my physical well-being, I fear that loved ones might not see my overwhelmingly greater need--that THEY see the bigger picture and live by greater faith as a result of the Lord's gift/trial to me and my family. I recognize this desire is riddled with imperfection AND that imperfect execution of an imperfect desire is no recipe for success, but I do want you to know what I want for you and, in the process, how you can best help me.

 Thank you for all of your help in this transition. Thanks also for understanding the chaos and emotion around this move.  Please vent as needed :-). 

 Your brother,
Seth 

1 comment:

  1. Dear Christensens,
    Your strength and faith continue to amaze me. Living my own "Project", I have a little insight into those thoughts and feelings. I will not judge you, I will only miss you. Seth's and Amy's name have not left my personal prayer roll well since we both began our Projects together. You will always hold a special place in my heart--ALWAYS!!
    Love,
    Doreen

    ReplyDelete